Posted by If it’s not already clear from this blog, Western women like dating Asian men! But our reader question this month is a good one, so let’s jump in…
Dear Ms Wai,
Hi, I’m from Dalian, China. My question is that I don’t work with foreigners, so how can I get to know foreign girls? Please give some positive and workable suggestions. Thank you
-AM looking for his WW
Alright, as I see it there are really two questions here.
One – How can I meet foreign women?
Last time I advised girls to try dating apps to meet guys, but that won’t work well the other way around. Few foreign women are on the dating apps and the ones that are are overwhelmed with requests (I had 24,000 “likes” on tantan before I turned it off.) If you really want to use an app, get a VPN, a Facebook account and try Tinder. But that will still be a challenge.
The best way for a Chinese guy to meet a Western woman is the old fashioned way: face-to-face. Clubs and bars is the easiest answer. They are social places where you can dance with a girl before talking, buy her a drink as an introduction, and you don’t have to talk much because the music is loud.
But I also think it’s not the best way, as women are wary of men at clubs and bars and it’s easy to ignore guys. Also, you don’t get a chance to meet the many women who don’t like to party.
So where else? Well I don’t know Dalian personally, but I’ve heard it’s a cool city. There must be neighborhoods, or cafes, foreigners hang out at. Or join some activities where foreigners are sure to be at like Toastmasters, English Corner at the university, or Hash House Harriers. Check online for where and when those groups meet. If you join international activities you’ll get to do something fun and have a chance to meet a lot of people, including women.
Which brings us to your second question:
Two – How to talk to Western women.
Don’t treat us special because we are foreigners! We can smell this from a mile away. Western women want guys to like us for us. Not because we have a certain color skin or hair, or because we are from your favorite country. I don’t mind when a guy prefers foreigners, but he needs to like me because of my personality, not my passport. He needs to choose me out of the other foreign women because something about me, specifically, interests him.
I’ve had guys on dates tell me they like foreign women and then add, “if we don’t work out, can you introduce me to your friends?” Ummm… no. Don’t ever say that. It shows you don’t care about the girl at all, only that she is a foreigner and we don’t like that.
Don’t ask us to teach you English, don’t sneak a picture of us for your WeChat, don’t get all excited when we tell you where we are from. Just be normal when you talk to us.
A good, albeit boring, ice breaker is “where are you from?” But if you can find something else to talk about, that’s better. If you’re doing an activity, ask a question about it. (“Is this your first time doing this?”) Or if you see a cute girl in a foreign language bookstore ask her for an English book recommendation. Something like that.
And don’t act so eager and excited to talk to us. That’s a total turn-off. Treat us like you would a Chinese girl, friendly but not crazy. Also, don’t ask us for our WeChat immediately. We will probably say no. Talk to us for a while first, then ask. Just treat us normally, like a regular human being.
But don’t ignore us either!
There are a lot of myths surrounding Western women: we only like rich guys, we only like city guys, we only like highly-educated guys, we only want to have sex, not a serious relationship, we only date English speakers, we don’t like Asian men….blah, blah, blah.
Western women are not all the same. Some like city guys, some like country guys. Some can’t speak any Chinese at all, some are fluent. But, in general, Western women like to date a guy because of their personality. Job, income, place of birth doesn’t matter too much to us.
You just need to BE BRAVE. Western women might be thought of as more “open” but we generally still expect the guy to talk to us first. I cannot tell you the number of times I have smiled at a guy and he smiled back, yet he never comes over to me because he is too scared.
Even if you are a poor guy, born in the countryside and a Western girl smiles at you, go talk to her! Even if you don’t end up together it’s a chance to make a new friend. Don’t be scared, be brave! And don’t make excuses. Just talk to her.
So my long-winded answer can be boiled down to one sentence: Go to a place where foreign women hang out, then go talk to them. It’s really that easy. All you need is courage.
What about other ladies reading this. Do you have any tips for this guy or want to share how you met your Asian man? Leave a comment below!
Do you have a question for Ms. Wai? Email her at mswai@wwambam.com
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My AM (Mongolian) won me over with his confidence (not arrogance!) and curiosity. He did exactly what you recommend, Ms. Wai. He TALKED to me. Made conversation. Discovered my interests and found commonalities. He asked questions. He never apologized for his imperfect English, but did ask, “do you understand me?” from time to time, which I appreciated. I was impressed by his forthright honesty and personal drive and motivation. He did not play games. I can’t over-emphasize the importance of personal confidence (aka self-esteem)–this is REAL catnip for many women, I’d argue.
I agree with the advice!! Especially the part about approaching after she smiles at you. Creeping up on a girl when you haven’t even had a chance to make eye contact yet can make her feel unsettled, so try to see if she’s willing to make eye contact and smile first 🙂
Apt advice! I live in a small city in Zhejiang, and can speak nearly fluent Chinese. I’ve only had a couple guys hit on me in real life here, but they’ve both been working at stores that I’ve gone into to purchase something that requires chatting with them for a while. Both guys were fairly aggressive right out of the gate, asking whether I had a boyfriend, and whether I would consider dating Chinese guys, which was a quick turnoff. I like men, whether it be back in the US, or here, to show interest in me because of my personality, and not because of my appearance.
This does make me wonder, in conjunction with the question posted this week, if I’ve met some other people who’d show interest if they had a little more opportunity to chat.
l have a question please.ln bars western girls always appears at 12 p.m.ls it common in western countries?Are they good girls?